You can scrutinize me, but I’m reading this amazing book and I just couldn’t put it down. I’ll review it, hopefully, once I’m done with it. Hope this is worth the wait. 😀
For the sweetest things turn sourest by their deeds;
Lilies that fester smell far worse than weeds.
There were times when he doubted himself, but he couldn’t help it. He didn’t know if it were right on his part to proclaim his feelings for her. He was, after all, going to leave. Yet, when she looked him in the eye and said those words, he couldn’t help it. He couldn’t hurt her, not at that time, when she was so vulnerably looking into his eyes and telling him what he wanted to hear. He wished life was fair, at that time more than ever.
He couldn’t help but believe that probably his life had indeed altered since he’d moved. Although at the most irrational of times, he called her up and quoted Shakespeare by the way of flirting shamelessly, when he was rational he knew that it was indeed those resources provided that healed him, but hurt him in many other ways. They did say that ‘Good and Evil were two sides of the same coins.’ It wasn’t until now that he understood the extent of this.
At times when it hurt the most, he lied down on the bed and remembered those times he spent with her as a friend, trying to neutralize the pain. People might call him pansy for thinking of things like this at times like this, but honestly, they were kidding themselves if they say they don’t think of their families at the biggest of crisis. It did help to think of the people who you love the most, because it gives you the strength to will to survive.
He remembered how they first met, at a mutual friend’s party, two months before he was to leave. If only he’d known what was to come… They got to talking and he knew that they were definitely brought together with some kind of a divine force, because honestly, how could two people, two random people connect so well?
He remembered their first dance, seeing all their friends, and being the only two single people around. He remembered her saying what a pathetic dancer she was, and how it was indeed true as she stepped n his foot constantly, bruising him. He remembered how often she laughed at her own mistakes and constantly making fun of her own self, yet in a non-inferior way. The fact that she was so aware of herself, intrigued him. How she carried herself, like a human, embracing her faults and not over exaggerating or pulling herself down only for attentions’ sake; unlike so many people he knew, how she never dumb-ed herself down, how passionate she was… He loved so many things about her. He definitely adored her into his own oblivion.
Probably why he was in love with her was to do with the fact that he just couldn’t have her, but he did feel a little different around her even when he didn’t know. He just cursed himself for not finding her before it all began. But then again, if curses could help, he cursed his fate for turning out the way it did.
He wished they could have more than ‘something’ He wished they could be much more than what they were. But as time passed, as he became surer of the end, he was almost glad that he hadn’t made anything worse. He laughed bitterly as he thought of proposing marriage to her as soon as he left this wretched place. Ah! How naive was he!
Sometimes he wondered why didn’t he come clean, but that would only mean embracing and giving in to the truth. He wasn’t ready for it, and he didn’t want her to suffer when he was alive. Probably that’s that, he consoled himself.
Not more than a week, love.
‘I have nothing left to tell you,’ he said in a voice so cold, it scared her.
‘I’m sorry?’ he heard from the other end.
“I don’t want to talk to you ever in my life,’ he said, just as he hung up.
They hadn’t talked in a month. He couldn’t believe he did this to her. He tried to sound as cold as he could, as convincing as he could.
He put his phone on silent, as he ignored her name flashing on his screen. He wished he could tell her what pains he was going through.
“If you try to disturb me ever again, you see what I’ll do to you.” he texted her, his fingers lingering on the send button a little to longer, before he mustered the courage to press it.
He looked at the nurse in front her and smiled at her, weakly.
“I’m sorry you had to do this, love. I assure you, death will be peaceful,” she said.
“You promised, didn’t you?”
“Of course I did. Never have I known someone as radiant as you in the cancer wing. I hope she wouldn’t panic. You did the right thing, darling. I’d have done the same,” she assured him.
“And you’ll do…”
“I promise to do what you’ve asked me to do. She’ll not suffer much. Now you sleep, peacefully, okay? You don’t have much energy.
She looked radiant, her hair white, her face wrinkled, yet calm. Her eyes betrayed the suffering she went through. She kept taking his name, at times, in her mind; yet it didn’t bother her, because she knew what was to come. His eyes fluttered open, he took a long breath, and smiled. He breathed out. His chest never rose again.
To be continued.
I know. I hate me too.
Also, I hope this doesn’t seem too rushed or anything.
I would love your reviews and likes.