Tag Archives: hate

Unfinished Thoughts: Part 1.

Soulmates at opposite ends of a barbed wire
Ancestors’ decision to war gave them bullet holes while looking for love

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Rust and stardust at the beginings and the ends
And everything in between a void of empty expectations and hopeless misery.

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A heart shaped face everyone appreciated
But her eyes were vacant.

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Stardust, hope miracle, wonder
His eyes tell a million beautiful stories
But his poker face was the only defence against the rest of the universe

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Fire ablaze in the neighborhood street
Scarlet limbs, hot tempers, loud chants
Did not stop him from laughing at his failed attempts to flirt.
Innocence had not yet been torn appart.

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As the midnight oil burnt through her window
Her love lay colder than her metal heart.

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Best Friends, Love, Marriage, Children, House
His dreams were numerous
Her heart couldn’t take it anymore
But it was he who was left bleeding.
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The letters danced in front of his eyes
Big words, complicated phrases,
And God forbid them pragmatics
Dancing is not the first step towards falling in love everytime.

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Dependant on father, brother, husband, son
She moves through life overprotected
The diagnosis said Dependant Personality Disorder
In India she was just another woman.
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A solitary man in a movie theatre
Now he can laugh with a snort
And hysterically sob, as loudly as he can.

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Have exams starting tomorrow. What best way to procrastinate?


Bruises

He walks away from her tearing apart the promises. The lobster from yesterday in the pits of her stomach churns,  making her breathe deeply, till it calms down. The hot summer wind leaves her sweaty, the force of the crack in her heart unnoticed.

A grin. A hug. A word at the right time. That’s all it took for her to give herself to him sincerely. Without a doubt, without a question. Just like in the movies. Wasn’t that supposed to be love anyway? No questions asked? Every moment as if from a dream. Every touch, every eye lock, every nervous laughter. A slow dwindling road of trust and care. The walking stick during arthritis. A paracitamol during nights of cold, sweaty fever. The side-wheel to her unbalanced bike-rider. Her everything.

It was sudden. Fights. Insults. Crying. A night of passion. Bags under their eyes their friends chuckled (un)knowingly to. It was something they should have forgotten a bouquet of flowers and a movie later. But their monsters were stonewalls, denial, and more insults. Till something in him snapped.

He came close to her. Enough to make her smell the mint in his breath, and feel the shivers in his body. Enough to feel this was it-the moment they found their answers. She tried to turn away, but found herself immobile. He looked at her with eyes almost shut, and jaw tight. At that moment she saw what was attractive about him, and that scared her.

A blow of wind hit her before his hand did. Her heart broke before her wisdom tooth did. Her spirit tore before her eyes flowed.

As he walked away from her, a month later, in that hot summer night, she felt nothing. The black-blue bruises -a souvenir of her bad decisions- would sting for months to come.


Through the Window.

She looks through the window of her gloomy room, as the many rains of the season pours cold and hard onto the streets. The electricity cut off, she plays a game or two on her quickly- discharging phone, trying to push away the dark thoughts running through and seeping into her mind.

She’s checked Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and all other social media for a message, any message to greet her. Finding none, the idea that nobody cares runs through her head. Suddenly, she happens to check the status of one of her colleagues. It breaks her heart.

She never liked him much, at first. They shared confidences, sure, but she hadn’t liked him much. She knew he used her, and she hated being used like that, but later on, they had kind of started growing on each other. She got used to his self-obsessed ways, and he had gotten used to her annoying ways. They had loved the same books, movies, and shows. They shared their favorite songs, and fell in love with the same bands.

For months, their friends waited for them to finally realize that they were actually in love, and while it was true that she had imagined him being in love, it never felt right. While she was everything he had ever wanted, and he was everything she had ever wanted, the idea of dating sounded preposterous to both.

Even though they spent hours talking to each other each day, talking late into the night, it was purely platonic. So much so, that when he was flirting, she would laugh at him, and he’d laugh with her. And when she would be nice to him, for a change, he would be a jerk to her, making the whole conversation funnier (read: ridiculous) after a while. But they had both accepted the fact that they had never imagined in the very beginning that they’d ever be this close to each other.

Their fights were passionate, with banging of doors, and blocking on social media, but making up, they’d say some really nice things, making it impossible to be angry at the other. Some would call them adorable, but they’d call themselves childish and dramatic.

When she’d have the flair for mediocre drama, he’d assume to be a lowbrow troll. When he’d take pride in being obnoxious, she’d show him his stupid lunatics. When she’d be impossible to handle with her witless rhyme, he’d read out her favorite Sonnets from Shakespeare. And therefore, when suddenly out of the blue, he stopped texting and shut her out for forcing conversations, she felt devastated.

Obviously they weren’t dating, they weren’t even that great friends, but they had obviously grown fond of each other. And just when she had let down her defenses after all that time, he stabbed her back, like he was Brutus, causing the ruby lips of her metaphoric wounds to bleed scarlett.

And now, after months, the scars are healing, and her mind is growing bitter towards him. But today, a Sunday, after a long difficult week, and hanging out with him more often than she’d like, and ignoring him like she ignores her, she feels heartbroken.

She never liked her. She liked her at first, but she took away both her best friends one after the other, and acted like a plastic Barbie in front of her other friends, and bitched behind everybody’s back. And now, the lovely colleague is friends with him.

She had, at one point shipped these two (in her head, obviously). Both were annoying. But then she grew fond of him, and hated her steadily. So she stopped.

And today, when she checks her status, she realises that these two, the ones whom she now detests, are not merely friends. While it is childish of her to hate on them for it, she can’t stop.

So today, when he shares those songs and those bands he had shared with her, she hates him. And when he ignores her, she hates him. When he tells her those same things in front of her, which he had initially told her, and only her, she hates him. And when the two of them (with her friends) go for a tour, when she is stuck at work, she hates him.

But when she puts up a status, quoting that one song they both had argued over for months, she detests him. She detests him for sharing things that were exclusively theirs, and reminds her of him, with somebody other than her, while she was right there in front of him. Even though they never technically dated, there were things that he had promised he had shared only with her. (And not all of it was embarrassing.)

And so today, she hates him for not being there to share favorite things with. And she hates him for the sunshine he promised, but left her staring through the window, at the gloomy skies.

A fiction, after forever. Please leave a comment.
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