Tag Archives: childhood dreams

Lights Will Guide You Home.

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I remember my childhood home very clearly. The place I spent my middle school in. I had a couple of my classmates as neighbours, one of them being one of the best friends I’d had at that time. But more than that, what makes me think of that house clearly is the proximity to the sea. At the quietest of evenings, I could feel the sea breeze, and see the sun setting, and I would know that only three kilometers away, there would be the best sight I have ever seen, repeating itself. At night, sometimes, while I’m out in the balcony, seeing the stars, I remember wishing that I’d grow up, and would lie on the beach gazing at those stars. I remember wishing that with me, I’d have my best friend, while both of us have lied down on the sand, probably tracing patterns on each others’ arms, and hearing the other breathe, and hoping that the life I was dreaming would one day come true. How else could I define bliss? Lying on a beach, watching the stars, the sea air tingling our half parted lips, the taste of sea, and salt; and the lightest of breeze? But like all childhood dreams, this too changed. Life moved on, and I was stuck in the dilemma of holding on, or letting go.

Today, after four and a half years of leaving that small town behind, I found bliss again. I went back to the beginnings. I went back to another beach. This time, two of them. First, I went speed boat riding. While my mum and aunt were scared, I was so sure of going that I didn’t have to think twice. I knew the sea was where I belong, and no matter what happened, I’d never be afraid of it. Later, I went to the prettiest beach I’d ever seen. I spent about four hours there, playing in the water, and writing Poseidon on the sand, watching the tide wash it away. I kneeled down on the sand, getting wet and at times, letting the tide push myself to the shore. Yes, water went into my mouth, and my eyes, soaking my spectacles, and making my vision blurry. I held my dad’s hand, like I did as a little kid, and let the tide wash away all my doubts and worries. I let the sea love me, as I loved the sea, and I let myself go once again.

So now, my best friend and I might not talk anymore. I no longer wish to lie with him on the beach watching stars. I no longer hold on to those childhood dreams of wanting to be wanted, and to belong. Rather, now I wish I could lie there alone. In peace. I wish I could watch the lights and probably the murmur of children playing and laughing. I wish I could hear the horses galloping away in distance. I wish I could see the distant lights of crackers bursting against the night sky, and a falling star fall away in the distance, against a clear sky. I wish the sea smelled of the salt, as the light breeze danced away like peacocks.

And I wish I could watch the sunset every day, and the sea, moving about like boiling water, and the silhouette of happy people in the distance, as the sun is about to set, casting its reflection in the water, the white sand caressing me, and the occasional twig here and there teasing me. I wish I could see the bright light of the day turn into night, as the tides go deeper, everyday.

I remember wishing today that the perfect death would be at the sea, and almost at that instant, I took it back. I don’t want people to remember me as the person who died at the sea; I want them to remember me as the person who lived at the sea. I want them to remember me as a person who felt at home while the tide hit me at my chin, sitting down in water, with my legs floating on the water, as much as I feel at home in my bed with my favourite book, and coffee. Because, sea is my home, and I am as much related to Poseidon as I am to Athena.

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At That Moment… I Swear We Were Infinite

Yes, the only reason I read The Perks of Being A Wallflower, is because Emma Watson starred in the movie adaptation of the book. It is also true that the fragrance of its pages hasn’t faded from my fingers. It is still a very easy book to fall in love with.

It surely is one of those books that might have a very new meaning the next time you read it. Add on to it the fact that Charlie is very real – loves to read and every new read is a favourite, listens to records of lesser known bands and artists, finding his own identity- the book can be called a cult, creating a class of its own.

The Perks of being a Wallflower, is about a fifteen year old boy named Charlie, who feels left out and in high school, and why not! His friend shot himself the previous year and nobody knows why, his favourite person in the world dies trying to buy a present for him, one for Christmas, and one for Christmas eve-his birthday. His sister is in an abusive relationship, his parents had abusive and struggling parents, the girl he thinks he loves is not only his best friend, but also has asked him to stop thinking of him that way. His other best friend is forced to be in a closet relationship, for the fear of his boyfriend’s parents. He’s also trying to ‘participate’, but feels all weird and bad memories, which he doesn’t remember, haunt him.

But then again, his advanced English teacher Bill gives him books to read and review for himself and gives him secret grades, which do keep improving (on the report card, he always got straight A’s). His brother plays football at UPenn, which has put up a very good team, and he might get to play pro. His parents and understanding and take care of him well enough. His friends also love him and care for him.

The characters in this book make mistakes, stand up to it and are real. They fall in love and out of love. The form of the entire novel is epistolary, and is written to an unknown friend and the spatial setting is unknown. The entire thing makes it universal and immensely relatable.

Of high-school, holidays and friendships; of family, grandparents, cookies and candies; of sex, drugs, alcohol and smoking; of music, literature, football and movies; of proms, homecomings and parties; of driving around town in the night-lights, through tunnels, listening to music; of depression and endless laughter; of abusive relationships and love-the book talks of coming-of-age and adolescent feelings, which is why I rate it 7.8/10. (I don’t really like the style, however true it stays to Charlie’s character.)

(A Review to The Perks of Being A Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.)


Candles.

The candle at the corner  of the room was flickering. A boy wrote yet another letter to his beloved. He wished he could summon the strength to send those little notes and poems to her.

Like a pretty little flower

You bloom, with the lover you shower

I am enchanted, like the Astronomy tower

You give me all my strength, all my power.

He knew he couldn’t write good poems, but poetry always fascinated him. If I ever find a reason to let you go, I’d find a million reasons to make you stay. Oh, how he wished he could write better than that!

Hi Lily,

Remember that time I made you laugh for the first time? That is the best I have ever felt.

He couldn’t think of how much he loved her-was it her eyes or her sheer brilliance? Was it the way she treated him or was it the way she smiled? He didn’t know. He couldn’t know.

 You’re a demon, hurting me

You’re my muse, creating me

For you, I breathe,

For you, I’d stop

My heart beats faster when I’m with you

My ache grows stronger, when you’re away.

Oh, the pain- the heartaches he got without her. He wished the smile etched upon her face never leaves its position. He hoped her eyes never lost their charm. He knew he would never hurt her.

You make me love you

Without a thought, I fall for you

Every time you call my name

For my cowardice, I feel ashamed

I wish I could tell you

Pour into you, my hear

My love, I’ll stay true

To you, for you, but never depart.

He wished he could tell her everything- everything about his crazy feeling, the butterflies. Tomorrow, he promised himself, as he’d been doing since the first time she smiled at him. Tomorrow, he promised himself as the candle went out. Tomorrow.