Tag Archives: Marriage

I’m sorry but I am not into Golden Age Thinking.

Three years ago, I was convinced that the perfect time for me to be born was the late 1950s, in America, where my parents were probably friends with Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, and William S Boroughs. I wanted to be a daughter of the Beats, and grow up and go to college in the 70s, so I could be a part of the First Wave Feminist Movement, and against the Vietnam War, and a bunch of other liberal political movements.

A couple of years before that, I wanted to be born in Edwardian England- Victorian Mannerisms were oh so charming, and a Darcy was definitely waiting to be introduced to my wit and intellect. Ah, such sweet, naive dreams.

Today, I realize, that I’m okay, the way I am- not as a person, but as a product of my time. The future is cooler than the past.

We are talking about Social Justice, but now in an inclusive manner. We are talking about Feminism, but Intersectionality is understood and valued. We are talking about so many different issues, about what the Government needs to be and do- about what is right, and whose right it is, and what is wrong, and is it really wrong?

We have made some excellent Scientific Breakthroughs, and I don’t just mean gadgets, I also mean Psychology, and History, and all the other Social Sciences. I also mean how some of us understand that if a particular group of people do terribly in a test, it is the test’s fault for not being inclusive (Culture Fair Tests), and not that the group is inherently inferior

We, as a species are better off today than we were before, especially in terms of violence– one of the most taken for granted myths is about how violence is increasing (but also, as I have argued before, are good enough?) And as far as I can see, we will only get better. We will talk about our collective conscience, and try to be as woke as posible, and come off better, on an average. For example, do you think the Pepsi Debacle would have infuriated so many people even a decade ago?

I was also a hardbound-second hand, classica kind of person a couple of years ago. But today, I am a Kindle person. You may say I’m a shitty person and technology is shit, etc., but it’s also so much cheaper, in the long run. If, like me, you read mainly during your daily commute, Kindle is really the answer. It’s so light weight, compared to a book, for one. Second, to co-passengers (and to yourslef), it is not annoying (Context: I live in Bombay, and the local trains here are so crowded, you’ll have someone’s armpits on your face all the damn time, and when you try to turn your page, you poke someone else, yes, but also your arms can’t move much. A Kindle only requires me to lightly touch it.) The Kindle has also helped me increase my speed of reading- so much so that what I read in a year a couple of years back, today, I read in a couple of months. I could go on, but this post is not about Kindle. You can say whatever you what about the touch and feel of a physical book, but technology is much much more practical. I mean, would you write all your assignments by hand than through a computer, because it feels nice? No, right? Letters feel amazing, but texting is just more efficient.

Everything is simply better now than before. The “old fashioned way” is simply not charming, or perfect. For example, monogamy is new. If you want to say romance is dead, by all means go ahead. But people have cheated on their partners since time immemorial. So what monogamy? What “romantic”? The idea of “staying in a relationship no matter what” is ridiculous, for example. Do you know what this no matter what implied? Abuse. Cheating. Toxicity. Thank God, I have the option of not staying in the relationship if it’s harming me in anyway. People are getting divorced now because now we have choice in moving away from abuse, now we have that option of opting out. We don’t need to be in a long marriage if we don’t want to.

Sometimes, like right now, I do wish I were in the Roaring Twenties so I could figure out Zelda Fitzgerald, and go to Jazz Clubs, and be a Flapper. But then I think, fuck, Hitler is gaining power somewhere and Europe is invading a thousand countries somewhere,and next decade is going to be The Great Depression. All this only if I were White and relatively privileged. If not, I’m fucked anyway. Also, my husband (I’d have a husband by now, or I’m an old maid) would have returned from war and is most definitely lost.

Thank God I have a phone and a blog to vent into. Thank God things get better in the future. I can’t wait for it!

P.S. If you are reading this, what do you think? I really want to know. Do you agree with me, or do you not? Why?

P. P. S- Y’all should read Better Angels of our Nature, and watch Midnight in Paris (I know I hate Woody Allen too, but that movie is my absolute favourite).

P.P.P.S- I know most of these examples are from WEIRD populations, but I couldn’t find examples that I was very familiar with from others. I have tried, though, but just not my best. I apologize.

P.P.P.P.S- It feels really great to be blogging long form + opinions on this site again. I’ve been blogging (setting up and trying hard to create content) on my Poetry Blog, where I’m doing NaPoWriMo currently. If you have been following me for long, you’ll know my earlier struggle with writing poetry. But now I’m trying extra hard you guys. Please check it out too. 

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Because You Want to get Married.

I remember all the times I’ve been pointed at, at weddings, with a slight smirk, and a “You’re next.” While I took those as jokes then, even when they counted down all the cousins, who’d get married before me, now I freak out, just a bit. Because no matter how old I am, I’ll not marry for the next seven years anyway. (I’ve been saying that since I was fifteen, and now it’s been 5 years since.)

Over years, my goal for adult-life has changed from getting married and living happily ever after, to getting published in a well accredited academic journal, having a challenging career and adopting a child, and through this, living an almost happily ever after. And that might not be a very big goal, but for somebody who comes from India, it means your parents will get questioned why they are not looking for A suitable boy for their 25 year old daughter. Is something wrong, they’d ask, as if it were their business poking their noses into something as intimate as marriage.

It’s not a question of what culture and society has to say, but how your parents would feel- most likely they’d question themselves and their worth at bringing up a daughter. And for every ounce of feminism and self-sufficiency you have inculcated, that’s not something you want your parents to go through, never mind the fact that they were the scapegoats to all your teenage angst.

But every bit of my world view is exactly that-mine. Extremely subjective. It is you who confuse me, even though we’ve been friends for six years now. You want to get married right out of college. A boy might come to see me, you say, jokingly I hope, right after graduation. And while I took it lightly all this while, now that the horror of graduating is coming closer, becoming more and more real, you freak me out.

You, with your fierce independence, and your I-have-red-hair,-don’t-I? days. You with your watching the latest movies twice-once before, and once in the theatres-in the same week. You with your sleepiness, and your forever hungryness. You with your pathetic cooking skills, and your experimentations with make up, and face colouring, and your 10000 likes on each of your facebook pictures. You with your contacts all over the town. You want to get married.

We’ve spent hours and hours together planning this wedding of yours-scrolling over my Pinterest feed, and looking at all the wedding collections, we’ve got everything decided- from your dress, to all the bridesmaid’s dresses, to the wedding cake, to the venue (and the back-up venue), and walking down the aisle, with your steps choreographed, and your dad’s proud face envisioned. We’ve spent hours detailing out what emotion you are going to feel and when. We’ve spent hours debating if your groom will have tears in his eyes, and when you’ll cry- when you’ll weep with joy, and when with grief.

We’ve all projected our wedding fantasies at you, knowing how much it’s going to mean to you- definitely more than it might possibly mean to each of us. Maybe more than what it’s going to mean to all of us together. And we’ve seen the joy radiating off your face each and every time we decide upon something new, whether it is the time of the day, or the exact shade of white of your wedding dress. From bidding dibs on who gets to be your maid-of-honour, to who gets to be the godmother of your first kid, we’ve gone through it all (except finding a groom. But that’s another story.)

So when I say you’ll have your share of drama and gossip surrounding your wedding, just to make it exciting enough for you, and when I say it’ll be pretty flawless, thanks to all the controls we’d use, just so you focus on being happy, and dreaming of your happily ever after, I mean it.

So what if our dreams are completely different? And what if you want to get married? Perhaps, at twenty-one, while the rest of your friends are still around? And what if you want to do it all, while the rest of us are still making rookie mistakes? It’s amazing how you are so sure about this, when all of us haven’t got a clue as to where life’s headed!

So everytime you talk about your wedding (and not a marriage, have you noticed?), none of us question you, because we know you are making an informed choice- and if not, you know the rest of us will intervene, and drill sense into you. And that’s what matters, in the end, isn’t it? That you’ve found your soulmates in your bunch of friends?

So, love,
Everytime you question yourself, and dream of a romanticized life, know that the rest of us gave it up years ago. The world is cruel to dreamers, as you know by now, but not cruel to those who chase their dreams with passion and commitment upto your heart’s content, and to the full extent of your ability. And everytime anybody questions you, know that in the end none of them matter as much as your dream. And if you fall, you know we’d be there to catch you.
Love,
Me.

(This post was in no way coerced with emotional blackmail and promises of publicity.)

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Because you want to get married


Elements: Magic

And here it is! The end of this series! Many thanks for all your lovely reviews, likes and follows!

                 Title: Union
                 Element: Magic

He stood there on the podium, eyes scanning the room.

He looked at the enchanted floor, reflecting the sand beneath, but holding the chairs just right. He scanned the room for his best mate. Wasn’t he supposed to be there with him, giving him support?

He looked at the beach, and the setting sun. The sky left pink and purple traces, with grey clouds, just enough to leave silhouettes of the people walking across the arches. He looked at Dumbledore, sitting there, drinking his favourite Sherbet Lemon. He chuckled.

His eyes fell upon the candle-lamps spread across the hall, dangling midway, and giving every individual present an enchanted glow. He looked at the scarlet lace curtains and the golden sunflowers. He felt himself swell up with emotions.

He could see his mum sitting on the front row, near the enchanted plant of white roses. She looked at him, with teary eyes and smiled. He smiled back, unsure if it were okay for him to shed tears.

His dad stood there, grinning and making their guests laugh. He looked so at ease, as if it weren’t that big a deal. But he knew how nervous his dad actually felt. He thought of how similar they actually were.

And then, the music suddenly changed. His heart missed a beat, as an old man reached the corner, flashing a broad smile. To his right was the most beautiful lady he had ever seen. To his left was a heart beating rapidly.

As he saw her walk down the aisle, with the prettiest smile she had ever adorned, he calmed down, reflecting her smile, radiantly. She looked at him and gave him an excited, yet small nod, which cleared his head of all his fears.

As Lily walked down the aisle, with her green eyes sparking, and the train of ger gown behind her, James realized that the world was truly what he was told it would be. Just a small wink from her was enough for him to realize that his world, was indeed magical. And maybe spells and charms had nothing to do with it.

Thank you! I hope you liked it. Please leave me reviews!