Category Archives: The Daily Post

On belief and karma

Dear Universe,

Hi. What’s up? It feels like I haven’t talked to you in a while. Everything okay? Seems like you’re taking offence in my calloused way of living life. Like the listlessness oozing out of my pores is running in my blood. But you know what? It’s about as real as Trump’s intelligence. 

When you gave me blow number one, I was fine with it. It wasn’t terrible. I had a great run for the past year, so one isn’t going to bring me down. Then you gave me blow number two, and that was rough. It was huge, it was hard, it was not mellow. But I got through it, because, hey, I still have things left to worry about. So I displaced the anxiety and turned it inwards, and helped myself grow. The blow was just fading out, when you gave me blow number three. Oh well, I should have seen it coming. All the signs were there, if I had looked a bit clearly; if I had thought it were possible, if I hadn’t thought myself immune. It stared right into my face and yet, it was a blow. And then there was the breaking down. I cried so much. I wish it would all stop and I get to go forward in my life where uncertainty didn’t rule. I wished for something happier- a white dove, instead of the messenger pigeon. Come on, about time that something good happened right? So I kept a low profile.

Then came blow four. And oh man! I wanted to jump off the six floors of that building, as I texted everyone how much everything sucks. And it did. It did so much. I wish there were enough alcohol in the world to numb that pain, but of course I’m too broke for that. 

I wish this were all a dream, a nightmare. But I know it isn’t. But I’ve also not woken up from this dream. It still doesn’t feel real. It feels like it’s going to go away, and the sun will shine down and it will be a beautiful day. It feels like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I just have to scrape till I reach that point. But shit. How to scrape? 

And what if there’s no light? What if there’s more chaos, and deep shit? What if this is only the beginning and a lot more crap is to come before the actual light? What if it takes months, nay, years, before the light presents itself? What if friends don’t want to stay friends? What if I’m not smart enough to rely on my brain? What if I’m not empathetic enough to rely on my emotion? What if I go dark into the abyss and that’s it? 

Dear Universe, I believe in you. I believe in good things and good people and I believe that everything will be okay. I believe in happy endings and making my own happy ending. Please don’t take this belief away from me. It’s been a terribly crappy month and I have never felt this much anxiety for such a long time. Just stop?

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Daily Prompt: I Believe.

For today’s prompt, tell us three things that you believe in your heart to be true. Tell us three things you believe in your heart to be false.

I will twist it a bit to three thing I believe in, and three things I don’t. Because, life, okay?

I believe in:

1. Fries and Coke. And Cold coffee.

I truly believe in fries and coke. Because gluttony. And comfort.

Nothing yells I love you, and you want me like those extra calories you can consume. They are the PJs of food. Rain, thunderstorm, summer, spring, hailstorm, leaves shedding, leaving and being burried into their earthly tombstone- come what may, you know food will always be there for you. Right? Nom, nom.

Nothing compares to cold coffee in your finals week, at 38 degrees Celsius.

PicMonkey Collage

 

 

2. Poetry.

Let me make this open confession. I’m a sapiosexual. Therefore, understandably, I love poetry. And words in general. Because it’s word porn. Talk wordy to me, in rhymes and verses, and I will love you forever and ever. Even if I don’t know you. And don’t understand what you said/ implied. Which is why I’m in love with Neruda, Christopher Poindexter, and Tyler Knott Gregson.

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3. Fandoms.

There. To all you amazing people! We cry, we laugh, we try, we succeed, we plot, we fight, we love, we die with them. I love fandoms. And this complex web of real people, fictional characters, magic, time travel, and real emotions to be felt. Just pure madness.

fandoms

 

 

 

I don’t believe in:

1. Hating People.

Even though there are a couple of people I truly detest, I love people generally. Besides, when I truly detest people, I simply don’t care about them (till they come in my way-then they can go die.) I may bitch and bitch about people, but there aren’t people I hate. Honestly. Such a waste of energy. And time. Hmph.

Hate

2. That blogging before your finals is a waste of time.

If I did, this post wouldn’t exist.

Because:

Yolo

 

3. That the youth of today is stupid and useless and all those derogatory words.

I see another wave of youth movement coming along within the next 5-10 years. And more power to us.  Don’t let those annoying people on the Social Media fool you.

ym

 

Twitter: @wallflowerblack


Golden Years: Growing Up and Growing Old

For The Daily Post’s Weekly Writing Challenge: The Golden Years

For this week’s challenge, we’re asking you to explore what age means to you. Is the the loss of youth, or the cultivation of wisdom? Do things get better as you grow older, or worse? There are many ways to interpret age, often depending on your relationship with the passing of time.

I take Developmental Psychology class in college. Let me rephrase it this way: Developmental Psychology is a compulsory paper forced down our throats for  us Psychology students at Xavier’s. Don’t get me wrong, I love it as much as, say, Piaget, but I don’t think you could study the span of human lives in say, a 100 lectures that are allocated to this subject, and do it justice. Like our professor said, “I can teach you about grief and loss and death after you sit through 6 hours of class, but you might as well let your brain ooze out from your ears, lie down here and die.”

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But apart from the truly academic perspective to human development with fancy words and psychological jargon, what it has taught me is what it feels like to grow up. While it was fairly simple to understand what it was to grow up till about adolescence, because we have gone through it, but it was when we started doing Young Adulthood onwards (20 years and above) that I got a, shall we say, slap in the face.

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For the past two days I’ve been trying to study what adulthood is all about. (I gave up, by the way. I’ll cram the night before the exam.) And suddenly I realized, I have stopped growing up and have started growing old. Now I am officially, an adult. (Okay, not really. I’m 19 and adulthood starts at 20.) But that means it is time for a looking back and evaluating.

What I do see is that as happy as I am about my present-I have a great mix of friends, both the crazy kind and the serious kind- similar to me and exactly opposite, and I have a sense of who I am, what my limitations are and what my strengths are, I do not regret a lot of things I have done, or the choices I have made, I haven’t done a lot of things. I mean I have- stayed up to watch the first sunrise of a new year, letting go of the person I have loved, had an obsessive crush, pulled an all nighter just for the sake of it, slept for 15 hours straight, had a breakfast of donuts and Maggi Noodles, watched a 2 AM Live-Streaming of a show I absolutely adored on a weekday and going to college high on adrenaline and serotonin (basically happy and excited), a Harry Potter (epic fail) Marathon- all of them! But I haven’t done a lot of things with people. I haven’t let people into my deepest thoughts and emotions, which I don’t mind, but I know people do. I haven’t gone backpacking with my friends, for instance. (Okay, that’s all I have to complain about. Sigh.)

But, Developmental Psychology has taught me amazing lessons in life- that friends are essentially all we need to be content in life. Especially for us Women: a great bunch of friends would help us to move on and anchor our frustrations with. We have a group on Whatsapp where we bitch about people we dislike and can’t tell them. But you know what? It helps us cope. And move on happily.
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So, growing up and growing old to me means identifying with yourself and realizing what makes you happy. The Pursuit of Happiness is what life is to me. And soon (hopefully) when I move out, I’ll learn independence from family and all the free food and free WiFi will go.
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And it is as I grow old (OhmyGawd. I’m a grown up! *sobs*) that I’ll laugh at what I used to think and say, and I’ll laugh at my friends with them. But you know what? That’s the main point- I won’t regret my past, I will laugh at it.

Optimism? I think so.