It’s that time of the year where everybody relives their memories, reminiscing about the year that went by, the highs, the low, but most of all the plateaus. When I look back, I see the goods have pretty much weighed out the bads. The year, as I look back on it was far from a plateau, it was more of a bumpy ride, with aches, and revelations.
I remember leaving the end of last year pretty much as a high-achieving yet insecure person. Most of my academic goals were met, and I was on the way to self actualization, faster tan your average favourite book would get over. I remember vividly how most of my friends would wish for a little more drama in our lives, and wish that we could live the average American high school, with all its extravagance and happy endings, spiced up with fights, revenge, and scandals. Basically, a life out of our fantasy worlds. Just the regular teenagers.
And then, 2013 hit us all, with a hope of a better tomorrow. Most of our dreams consisted of then getting through our first set of Continuous Internal Assessments. On the very first of January, I went out with a bunch of my high school friends, where I had a pretty scary, yet minor accident, the result of which was a very painful muscle pull, and finding hay in my crazy hair after a couple of days. It was embarrassing enough, but not quite enough, for the year was yet to come.
One of the very first things I do remember from the year was a friendship I held dear to my heart going sour. That was enough scandal, that I wished for my lifetime. There was cheating, lies, and everything you would love watching on TV, but not want in your life. There was drama, midnight phone calls, and a lot of bitching.
Closely following that was an internal conflict of which of the two most amazing internships I should choose. The best part of the summer, was having this crazy crush on a fresher. (Read about that one here.) and the international program I got to be a part of. (Read about that here.) I guess as second year hit, it almost pushed me to adulthood, with mature friendships, and relationships with peers, family, and friends. But more than anything, I know I have a mature relationship with myself.
The worst parts of the year includes losing out on a couple of friends I really loved: some, I lost to the conundrums of life, and some I lost to drama, immaturity, and moving on. When I look back, I remember how I would think I couldn’t live without them, and now the scenario is quite different. But, on the other hand, I gained some of the most amazing friends, who were there to catch me when I fall. I can be a little more of myself with them, and I can accept who they are. I have gained love, and respect, and then some.
But more than anything, I have grown mature. I can pretty much know it, by the way I handle a lot of things, especially grief, and loss. I feel a lot more comfortable in my own skin, and believe in myself more than ever. I know I am socially awkward, and introverted, and I am comfortable with that, and at the same time, I don’t have the urge to limit myself. I can almost go out, and talk to a whole bunch of total strangers, because I am aware of this awkwardness. And I can finally stand up for myself, in a fight against somebody who I trust and respect. All in all, I am ready to face challenges, and to stretch myself beyond my comfort zone.
And that was the year I had, and a lot more that I am not yet ready to talk about out in the open (to total strangers on the internet.) But I will always remember this year, and look back upon it as the year I grew up, and out of the fantasy I was living in. A year I let go, and danced in the rain. A year I never want back.