This, I write to my first muse, whom I lost to Life’s conundrum.
Your smile, the toothy grin
I told you you could light up the whole town, remember?
You laughed, and asked me how that was possible.
I wished I could tell you. I wished you could see.
And now your smile haunts me
I see you in my dreams once in a while
Waking up from it makes me morose
Why did I let you go? Oh, I know.
Your laugh, contagious
I always laughed with you, remember?
And you would ask me what was so funny about it.
I wished I could tell you. You gave me the goosebumps
And now your laugh makes me breathless.
Breathless, with guilt.
I hear your laugh once in a while
Was I the one who made it stop? Oh, I know.
Your eyes shine, did I tell you that?
When you looked at me, your eyes shine.
And I would ask you why you were happy
You would shake your head, and I would ignore the shining of your eyes
And now I try to find that shine in strangers’ eyes.
They leave me cold, unwanted.
I wish I could see the shine of your eyes, once in a while.
Did I steal the light of your eyes? Oh, I know.
Your unkempt hair was funny, did I tell you that?
When we ruffled it, you would slap our hands away
You wore a grimace, and not talk to us for a whole five minutes.
You thought that looked good, your thirteen year old self.
And now I identify people with hair similar to yours.
And smile to myself once in a while.
You’ve grown your hair long to annoy your mother.
Am I allowed to ruffle it now? Oh, I know.
Your voice, the childish sound
They were music to my ears, did you ever realize that?
You would sing my favorite songs to me
And I would lose myself in them.
And now, your voice has cracked
I laughed when you talked over the phone
And then those calls became rarer still.
Did I ask you to stop? Oh, I know.
Our fights, they were intense.
Once, you told me you loved me, remember?
And I told you I was afraid, but I loved you too.
We talked for hours in the dark after that.
And now you change your girls like the weather.
You would tell me about them, and I would support you
You have stopped telling me about them now
Did I initiate our last fight? Oh, I know.
The way I remember you, is clear in my head
The truth in them is as alive as the dead
Have I glorified you? Yes.
But that’s the least I could do.
To remember you right, I have to feed myself these lies
To keep the pieces intact, till my love for you dies.
The other day I woke up from a bittersweet dream, and wrote this at five in the morning. And I’m not a morning person.
On a related note, I think I’m finally getting the hang of writing poetry. It’s kind of like what a friend of mine said to me, “I pick up a pen and start thinking in verse.’ (Go read her at: http://rhapsodiesofmymind.wordpress.com/)